Whats this all about?

Well, I really had a fun weekend with him. But I really feel I'm being a burden to him. Him that I care about most.

I also hate it that my emotions are fragile and real, than ever. Into which I'm having a hard time determining where it's coming from.

My entry tonight might be sketchy and be misunderstood by my silent readers but here it goes...

It's really tough to be at home with nothing to look at or pay attention to. Maybe its my short attention span. It might also be a frustration related to a guy who can't seem to understand what I'm trying to make him feel or... he's just not interested. I am really caught in between my stupid heart and my brain. My heart already took so much blows, its afraid to speak for itself. And so my brain pacifies the pain.

I don't believe in happily ever after and I don't know if love does exist because everytime I freely give my heart it always, always doomed to be trampled on.

I love the guy, I adore his little quirks. I'm never patient with other men's behavior but he's amazing in my book.

I have thought about going with other men but it's all about Mr. Big. I have stopped feeling for 5 yrs now and have let men treat me like trash... unappreciated, emotionally and physically mistreated.

But seeing this guy for a year now and his ups and downs amazes me. I'm often caught starring too long...

I really don't talk much and I struggle to keep my thoughts and emotions in check... afraid to express it anymore for fear of rejection.

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