When I slow down I start thinking about the things that I'm frustrated of. I've always wanted to be a very good person who everybody could rely on. I've always made smart decisions based on my career but my personal life seems to be out of control (or i just feel like it). Friends keeps asking me why I'm afraid to be on a relationship and why I don't fool around... or even why I take my life so goddamn seriously. It is because I've screwed up my chances of being happy (wrong men, wrong choices). I admit I was a bad ass but I no longer want to be that way...

Career wise, I'm so  frustrated  that I take everything seriously and I go at it 100% with my heart and brain into it. When hell comes, I act like someone who lost everything (or even act like I lost that someone I love the most) That's how I treat my job! I'm too much dedicated and I just want all of it. Greed eh?

I've got a wide range of plans for myself and I just want to do a very good job and not disappoint myself. It is a struggle to find that certain happiness i long for and i just want it so darn bad.

I also don't understand men and I doubt i ever would. I just don't play around for such fears of getting myself emotionally beaten again and again. I'm coming to a point where I'm extremely liking someone and I don't even know if it's right. I just want things to be right and proper. Im just too tired for everything else. Je`Taime, how could I tell you? Even my instincts are waning on me. I just want someone to whom I could spend the rest of my life with...